people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
How does one acquire holy water?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
