we're chasing vodka with high fives
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
