uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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