Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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