I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
