yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
