I am puke
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
