At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
