I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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