I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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