heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
