as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
