You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
