i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Drunk is not a location!
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
