I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
