We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
