I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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