my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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