You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
