I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
