Just cropdusted the office
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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