Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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