i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
