i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
