Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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