He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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