in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
