last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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