Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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