You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
