But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
