It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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