You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
