Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
