omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
