your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
