wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Congratulations! We have a period
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
