I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
