from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
