I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
