I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
