So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
