my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
