So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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