What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
