new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
