Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
