There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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