I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
