I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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