Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
No stitches, just platelets and will power
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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