I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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