Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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