That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Randomize
