Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
