I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
